Influenced

In words I drowned

In meanings that I lost sense of

lost in this…

…world that I gave to you

this world I created

this world I despised

Because it was not mine

I have yet to find the meaning

yet to find the cause

still I took pieces of ideals

your ideals

and put them in my life

a life that I sacrificed

To create hate

hate for me

for who I am

for those close

(who are just few)

HATE

oh how I hoped I had more

And yet I am alone

Alone as I choose to be

Alone

As I left me be

death

death

What i dont understand
what i can’t see
when i cant feel
when i am gone
when the pain stops
and yet the pain you seek
or yet you cant even seek it
that’s when it is
that’s what it is
that’s who we are
the one and final destination
the end
death

i am still at ‘teens
closing towards my ‘tys
and still I see the end every day
when I look at old men
and fear of becoming them.
understanding that a day may come
A FEAR of the end
and yet hope
HOPE that I reach that old age
still pray for life
a long living never ending life
yet hate life
and am afraid to lose it
in a moment
a second
and it’s gone
and then no more
no more

my brain cannot comprehend
No purpose
no point
nothing
JUST hormones
put the seed and let it grow and hope
when there’s no hope
hope of what?
there’s only on certainty.
the equation always completes at the same result.
once you get out of the womb
you will return in a tomb
maybe that’s why…
with most certainty the word tomb came before womb.
that’s why i feel stupid
because older generations were so wise.
the certainty of the end
what comes before understanding the beginning.
so wise.
tomb.
earth’s womb.
our birth place.

please allow me the liberty of leaving it unedited and unnoticed.

just felt like had to share whatever the point in that could be.