Waiting

One of life’s hardest things – well personally for me it is; the waiting the inability to just skip 48 hours and see what awaits ahead. I hate uncertainty and I think that every human being does as well.

You need to know, you need to be in control. Control makes you feel like the future is not so uncertain, even though it is, and makes you stop hoping for things but rather plan for things which will certainly come. I’ve come to hate all this uncertainty an uncertainty which in the past I used to love and cherish. It used to be exciting but now it’s rather stressing and unhealthy. It brings up so many unhealthy habits to me. But there is no other way that I can see to just avoid it. There is no other way to deal with it better than what I already am doing. Hopefully things will work out. Hopefully, if they don’t at least I tried. Although I never accepted tried as a good enough excuse for any of my failings, but rather blamed them on me.

Oh well, just another day waiting. Just another night waiting and stressing. Stressing as if there is something I can do, which there isn’t. And that is the beauty of being crafted for a wild unfriendly environment and living a life in a modern society in front of a 20+ inch screen working and hoping that the gods that control your faith will be kind this time. If i believed in prayer I would pray, but rather than that I have to wait and just expect to get what I get and what has already been decided sadly as if I have nothing else that is worth doing right now, 2 days from now.

Goodnite world.